The Only Solution

March 61th, of the 2015s

Our Recommendations for Appropriate Reactions

Co Authored by Eswizzle and Shaking

Adolescents expressing their emotion at community events is a giant deal. It should be dealt with by the authorities in the most extreme way. For instance, at a basketball game. When student stand up and cheer for their home team, the players feel insignificant and often are scared or even startled by the commotion being caused by the outrageous crowd. Intimidation is the root of all evil. It takes the fun out of activities. 95% of intimidation events happen when student stand at events. It is scientifically proven that testosterone levels increase when the male and the female stand. In order to deal with this catastrophic problems, we must firstly set up audience restraint devices. Such as stun guns and bean bag rounds and fire hoses. In order to avoid such appropriate measures we may decide to chain, gag and otherwise humanely restrain the emotionally excited individuals. All attendees will wear heart rate monitors that shock when the BPM exceeds 110 BPM.

As proven in Baltimore recently, players perform much better without audiences. So in order to secure the utmost and absolute best performances from our athletes, all audience members under the age of death will be excluded. Full surveillance will in on around the clock in the form of monitoring stations, drones, wiretaps, and storm troopers. Background check are mandatory upon entering the facilities, any individuals who do not meet the requirements can be restrained indefinitely in our highly rated prisons. Any noises made above 12.45 decibels will result in a tongue or voice box removal procedure. Any chewing of gum will be forcefully removed from the mouth cavity. This is directly because recent studies show that 98% of all activities involving sports athletes falls comes from the mere pop of a bubble.

In conclusion, the only appropriate reaction by authority to emotionally enticed adolescents is to restrain, ban, and utterly exclude them from everything related to anything. Captivity is an option.